My Gingerbread Masterpiece

I'm a very competitive person.  And I like candy.  So when I received the e-vite to a friend's gingerbread house party with prizes for the winners, I naturally responded "Wouldn't Think of Missing It!".  So what if I didn't know anyone else on the evite?!  Competition and candy awaited!  I googled "gingerbread houses", strategized my building plan, printed directions to the party, and bought graham crackers and candy.  I thought I'd also get a poinsettia for the party host as a thank-you, but when I got to the party house and looked at the poinsettia I realized part of the leaves had shriveled and were pretty ugly.  I figured it'd be offensive to give a wilted plant, so I left it in my car. 

I walked into the party house, confirmed that I really didn't know any one except my one friend, deposited my building supplies on the counter, and felt incredibly awkward.  I get awkward in those situations.  Everyone else knew each other and was significantly older than me.  So I helped make some frosting, and got to work on my masterpiece house.  I wasn't there to socialize and make friends.  I was there to win.  I made my structure, let it dry (which took massive amounts of patience), tolerated Barbara Streisand's Christmas CD blaring in my ear, and then I noticed- every one else was using a KIT to build their house!  They all had gingerbread house KITS!  And the lady next to me had a fully built house kit!  She opened her box to reveal a fully assembled house!  She only had to peel the plastic from the mass produced instant gingerbread walls.  She proceeded to use the necco wafers I had brought to roof HER house!  I was still waiting for my house base structure to dry and she was using my neccos!  NOOOO!!! 

Then a latecomer came in the front door.  She said hello to all of her friends, looked at me, and said, "You must be Amanda.  I knew everyone on the e-vite except Amanda, and you're the only one here I don't know."  Reeeeally?  Was I just transported to Miss Congeniality? (" -I'm Cheryl from Rhode Island. -Hi, I'm--  Gracie Lou Freebush. I memorized the orientation pamphlet. I know all ladies by name and picture. Fifty, including myself. Your picture wasn't there, so I knew it was you from your lack of picture.") 

Once my house structure dried I improvised with a red hot roof and peppermint walls.  It wasn't exceptionally pretty, but hey, it's a house made out of graham crackers and powdered sugar frosting.  Finally I put the finishing touch on my house, the one element that I was SURE would win me the grand prize: a porch with a roof!  I built it, and it WORKED.  I'm AMAAAAZING!!!  I proudly carried my house to the judging table and noticed someone copied my porch.  I had wondered why she kept coming over to my table and "getting marshmallows".  She was totally SPYING!  Oh well.  There were 6 structures to judge, and 5 prizes.  I should be fine.  They announced 5th place, 4th place, 3rd place, 2nd place...  so I thought, "Yes!  They realize how hard I worked and I won!  I won! I won!"  And then, they announced the other person as having first place house.  I GOT LAST PLACE!  Dude!  I challenge those people to abandon their kits and build a house with mere graham crackers.  As we were all leaving my friend said to me, "Oh!  Do you want to take your gingerbread house home?"  Me,  "Umm, no.  You can just throw it away."  What was I going to do with that loser house? 

So, lesson learned.  In this modern age, ALWAYS take a kit to a gingerbread house making party, preferably a house that has already been glued together.  And if you bring special candy, hide it in your pocket.

This is not a picture of my gingerbread house, but in my research it was my faaaavorite house and inspired my porch!

(Image from http://mysweetsavannah.blogspot.com/2008/11/gingerbread-house.html, and I think she got it from Better Homes and Gardens)

The Bad Blind Date That Wouldn't End

Episode 1:  Bad blind date.  Coffee at Starbucks.  Theoretically he’s a good guy: great job, tall, intelligent, likes to do things, close to his family, never been in prison.  But…  when I walked into Starbucks I totally didn’t see him.  I looked right at him and didn’t see him.  That’s not good.  He talked the entire time.  He crossed his legs (men should never cross their legs).   He made a couple comments about religion that I totally disagreed with (my eyes might have bugged out of my head).  Completely uncomfortable.  It ended with him asking if I wanted to meet again.  I gave him the “Uh... Umm..  Suuuure….”

Episode 2:  He left me a voicemail the next day saying I was a very attractive lady, but he didn’t think there was a connection.  Yay!  I was off the hook.

 

Episode 3:  One year later I started going to a new church waaay across town from where Bad Date and I lived.  I sat at a table (yes, a table at church) with one of my girlfriends.  The lights dimmed and we sang a few songs.  When the lights came up and I noticed a few more people had joined our table during the singing.  We exchanged simple introductions, and then, I saw Bad Date sitting there.  Right across the table from me.   In all his cross-legged splendor.  He introduced himself.  He had no recollection that we had ever met.  I about died.  There had to be 20 tables and he sat at MY table?  Wouldn’t you know that that night the church decided to have snacks afterward!  They served a whole tray of snacks to each table.  I couldn’t take it.  I got up and changed tables. 

Episode 4:  One month later I found myself at a singles BBQ.  I was enjoying my hot dog and baked beans, chatting it up with some friends.  The place was packed!  Every seat in the place was full!  Our host pushed an empty chair by me and yelled to a late comer, “Hey Bad Date!  You can sit over here by Amanda.”  Seriously?  There were 40 people there.  Why put the chair by me?  Bad Date proceeded to sit down and introduce himself to everyone at the table.  He crossed his legs and I about died laughing.  Yet again, he had no recollection of ever meeting me. 

Present Day:  I continue to see Bad Date at church once a month or so.  I avoid him.  Maybe he has a brain injury like Ten Second Tom on 50 First Dates?