Sunday, February 27, 2011

Pick Up Lines

Yesterday I had to pick up some medication at the pharmacy.  I got in line and tried to wait patiently.  A lady pulled up her cart behind me and said, "Is this the line to pick up?"  "Yes."  "Oh good."   Then the oooold man in front of me turned to me and said, "This is the pick up line?"  "Yes."  (that's what I just said to the lady behind me!) He gave a little smile and said, "You come here often?"  WHAAAAAT?!  I tried to look as if something else a couple aisles over really had my attention and he said, "That's a pick up line."  Excellent.  Good thing I took an extra 30 seconds to put on lip gloss before entering the store... so a 90-year-old man with severe dandruff could hit on me, and then clarify that he was hitting on me.  I guess it was a funny joke, but still awkward.  I got my stuff and left the store thinking, "Why is it only weirdos who talk to me?  Why couldn't it have been a dashing young man?"

Then I went to Ross to get curtains for my new apartment.  The store was a zoo and the line was looong.  I thought I was getting at the end of the line, but I realized a guy had been standing at the back of the line from a different angle (between the clothes racks instead of off to the side).  When I finally got to the front of the line he was beside me and it wasn't clear who was next.  Was he first, or was I first?  I said, "Go ahead."  He said, "Oh no, you can go."  I said, "I think you were waiting first."  And he said, "Yes, I think I was, but I'm trying to be a gentleman."  My jaw hit the floor.  A guy between the ages of 20-40 who was going out of his way to be a gentleman?  Yeeeaaaaah!!!  God, bless that man!
Lesson learned?  Pickup lines are awkward...  BOTH types of pickup lines.  Chivalry goes much further in impressing a lady.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Potty Training at Ikea

Tonight my wonderful parents took me to Ikea.  It is waaaaay across town, so before we started the journey we stopped at Quik Trip and I got my new favorite drink- Sprite with a splash of cherry (it is almost as good as a cherry limeade).  I decided to use one of the new styrofoam cups instead of the normal plastic cup.  I paid my dollar, got in the car, and we were on our way.

I love Ikea.  I love the perfect, stylish rooms they set up.  A living room with a gray wall, a bed room with a bed canopy featuring a chandelier in the center, a kitchen with shiny red cabinets...  love it!  And what is it about their display of couches that makes it impossible to pass by without sitting in every single model?  So, after an hour or so of meandering through the store, random stuff in hand, we made our way to the cash registers.  While waiting for the next available self-serve station, someone cut in front of us!  They snuck in from the food side!  Jerks.  When I walked by them I said quite loudly, "WOW, THAT LINE WASN'T TOO BAD AT ALL!"  (I'm out of control, I know)  My family was going to get cinnamon rolls on our way out, but they were out.  Quite disappointing.  We got to the car and successfully finagled the random stuff in the trunk and back seat (what's a trip to Ikea without some random stuff finagling?)  

I took my place in the backseat, picked up my Quik Trip cherry Sprite, took a drink, then I put the styrofoam cup between my legs (no cupholder).  I guess I kinda squashed the styrofoam cup, because I suddenly had a tidal wave of cold liquid in my crotch.  Thank goodness my dad hadn't started the car yet.  I screamed and jumped out of my seat... then realized I was standing in the middle of the crowded Ikea parking lot with a dripping crotch.  My mom started handing me napkins and I tried to dry myself as discreetly as possible, but I'm sure the two guys walking by noticed me laughing my head off, dabbing a napkin on my dripping rear end.  And then I got to sit in my cold wet pants all the way back across town.